Saturday, July 28, 2012

Memoir's of a Crazy Woman

Hello Folks, I've abused you terribly. I've neglected you, forgot you... unless you usually don't read my blog and you really don't care... then we're on good terms. 

Any who.?

Well I have a good excuse, Dad is home.

So this is what I've been doing if anyone out there cares....

1. I had my 25th Anniversary at Opryland, it's was great... but I came home with a rash on my legs and back. I'm affectionately calling it my Anniversary rash.
2.  I dreamed that I went on vacation with my niece and nephew and we went to Iraq. And a corrupt Iraqi border guard gave me a pair of underwear that contained a bomb and he wanted me to wear them. 
3. Would that make me the Underwear Bomber?
4. Oh dear.
5. The word CRAZY means crazy in Tennessee. Let me explain. I've called two separate people from Tennessee CRAZY while having a light conversation with them... they looked at me and were both insulted. 
6. The word CRAZY means to me: fun-loving, fun, happy, entertaining and I want to be your friend forever because you don't take this old world to seriously.
7. Loco, nutty, not right in the head, odd, strange... that's what Crazy means to me.
8. I asked Daughter #2 to give me her cousin's phone number. Two times. Both were wrong numbers. But I made friends with a really nice lady named Wendy, who I didn't know. And even though I homeschooled  D#2 and she's 20 years old now, I think we need to review her numbers again.
9. Dad's been looking for a job, being that he's retiring this October.
10. To our delight, it seems as though people like him are needed in this world.
11. This means that we get to eat.
12. And pay the mortgage.
13. Yipppy.
14. Oh yes, about my dream.... I refused to put the underwear on. 

I'll write you soon... unless you don't read my blog.... then you really don't care,
Java Girl

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

My Husband

My Husband is complex.

And for those of you who know him you might think:
1. That my knives are always sharp.
2. That I must feel safe when he's around.
3. That he performs amazing feats.
4. And that he has the map to the most deadliest bad guys.

But the truth is:
1. I sharpen my own knives, usually when I'm upset with Hubby.
2. I'm the one confronting the enemy while he instructs me from behind a tree.
3. Yes, but sending an sweet overweight little boy through the top of our green house while he was learning the Zipline is not one we want to mention.
4. He doesn't think someone is truly bad unless the guy has captured you, your family and your dog. It's only then that he means business.

Which brings me to my next point.

This fellow below was begging for money at a street corner in Miami. And instead of your normal Will work for food sign. His sign says My family has been kidnapped by Ninjas Need money for Karate Lessons. When Hubby read this he thought it was hilarious!!!  Gave him some money and when he asked the guy where he came up with the saying... he said off the internet. 

And as the light turned green and Hubby was never to see the ever wanting Karate student.... he wondered how he got access to the internet while being in such dire straights.
And of course my first question was... How much did you give him?

Happy Fourth of July,
Java Girl